Wednesday, November 23, 2022

Warp and Weft

My brother died during the Omicron surge.

I couldn't be with him

I couldn't say good-bye

It was so different than when my eldest brother died in 2019

Three years later and everything had changed

He was the brother I could go to when things were wrong

who was that immovable object I could hold on to

who had battled some of his demons and gave me hope

who had been there my whole life and loved me

I often thought of my brothers as the warp threads

of my life especially since our parents died

I imagined my life with four strong warp threads as I 

the weft, haphazardly wove myself around them

As each brother died I imagined a warp being cut

Who am I without them?

Will I unravel completely?

When would the other two detach?

Months have passed

I officiated a second time at a sibling’s memorial

I have cried more tears than I can count

I considered unraveling - how could I hold myself

together with so much death - COVID and brothers

But I am still standing as they say

I have not unraveled

I still have my four strong warp threads even 

two are not physically present

My misunderstanding was that there were only four warps

that the weft of my life was only me

I have countless warps of ancestors 

I have countless wefts - spouse and children

grandchildren and friends

The weaving is incomplete

imperfect in many areas

spots where there is fraying

My brothers remain 

always part of my tapestry

always strong and flawed

Always there.

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